Sunday, January 8, 2012

Live and Learn (hopefully)

You, over there in the shortshort!  Stop tugging on it.  It hasn't shrunk since you left the house and pulling it down every 30 seconds ain't gonna make it grow longer.

Oh, hello there.  Camel toe got you down? Picking at your pants isn't the solution; a quick stop at The Gap, however, might be.

"Suddenly" realize your shirt pulls flatteringly across your gut? I call bullshit.

The times that I have seen a woman tugging at her hemline or a man obsessively readjusting his button down in the vain attempt to give it some stretch are too numerous to count.  Despite living is a society filled with mirrors and other reflective surfaces, some people are painfully deluded about their clothing. I'm not talking about wearing a skirt that's shorter than is flattering for your legs, jeans that leave nothing about your package to the imagination or a shirt with a neckline so plunging that I can see the lint in your naval.  Those are all matters of personal style. If if makes you feel good, why give a shit what I think?  WEAR IT!

I'm talking about people who MUST, in the back of their mind, know that what they've put on is a bad decision and who then spend the rest of the day fiddling and fidgeting sheepishly and generally drawing attention to their bad decision.  It's not helping, none of it, so let me offer this

Tip For You: You wore it, now wear it.  The day will be over soon enough and when you get home, consider dumping the offending item. Until then, try to remember that it's the only thing keeping you from an indecent exposure charge, so ride it out with a little grace, ok?  If that's impossible, run in to the nearest Target/J. Crew/Dress Barn and buy a quickie replacement and chalk the expense up to experience.

1 comment:

  1. You're too funny. I had no idea that you had started this blog, found it on your google profile page. I have, on more than one occasion, been known to duck into a shop at lunch to rectify some outfit ills. This has diminished considerably now that I work from home and nobody cares what I look like, though I still do, kind of.